So I have not had much of a chance to blog lately, Nor I have not had anything to really update on… This week has been a slow one, I have been sick with a stupid cold and just felt crappy! my weightloss has come to a halt yet again and I am feeling a bit lost and lacking motivation…

but I know that I need to keep pushing through, lately I have found myself reading various weightloss blogs online to re motviate me and remind me as to WHY I need to loose this weight.. my BIGGEST struggle is the food I eat, I can excersise like a nut with no problem, but my major issue is giving into all the cruddy foods that tempt me, chocolate, takeaway, chocolate…chocolate..did i say chocolate?

I am so frustrated! I want to do better! WAY better! and I just need to keep reminding my self as to why this is so important to me, why I want to be fit and healthy..

For me: I want to look good and feel confident, i want to not worry about what other people think of me.. I want to feel sexy and look HOT (yes I know how naughty of me !) and I want to be able to be proud of myself!

For my husband: Look  I am pretty sure there is nothing more unattractive then having an overweight wife not making any effort! I wanted to make changes so that he could love me more.. I am sure he would anyway, drew is amazing and loving and has never ever shot me down about my weight.. But I know that it has held our marriage back hugely, its prevented us from being happy because I have always been stupid and self indulgent with food… We would eat crappy food all the time… Now that I am healthier its made a HUGE difference.. I cannot wait untill we are even fitter and healthier then now

My Children (so important this one!): O MY GOSH! This one… so important that it makes me cry to think that I ever was so overweight.. that I sat on my ass and did next to nothing, that I ate crappy foods ALL the time.. I missed out for so long, I can never EVER go back to being the old me.. because it means missing out on what I can do with the kids, I can now run and play and I am finally involved and active.. I do not ever want to loose site of that.. Tyson asks me when I am going running or walking he loves going to the park! He now knows that mcdonalds is only sometimes food and if we ate it too much we would get sick.. there were times were i was buying it twice (sometimes 3 times a week.) its horrible horrible I am so ashamed of myself.. for what I could have done to my children due to being overweight…I need to get fit and healthy for them now, so I can be a good mum a good role model and help them be healthy and make good choices.. if they see me being lazy and lacking effort they will learn the same and I DO NOT want that for my children…

Keep running Hayley Mah Keeping running!

Mothers Day….

I have always been one to not like Mothers Day, due to the broken relationship I have with my own.. But in this last year I have been able to work through alot of stuff with my mum and move past the hurt and let down…

this morning i was lucky enough to have a lovely sleep in and my son drew me a LOVELY picture How blessed am I to be able to celebrate Mothers Day

I think mothers day is alot more then being spoilt and getting gifts, it is about reflection for me, it is a reminder of how thankful i should be, I have two beautiful healthy children and they are everything to me! I LOVE being a mum, and here I am a mum.

I cannot imagine life without my children, I could not imagine what I would be doing with my life if I was not a mum… I am here for a reason and I love it.

I hope that on mothers day you can spend some time in reflection, be thankful, be happy and be blessed.

Well We have been back from our holiday for a few weeks now! And already it feels like it was a LONG time ago that we went, Time is flying and I am loosing my mind with everything thats coming up in our lives!

So on the monday we woke up at 5.00am to get the kids dressed and ready to head to the airport, We were stuck in traffic in melbourne which had us running for check in, I think that was the most stressfull part of our holiday! the thought of not even making it!!! We did make it though with about 30 seconds to spare! (maybe a bit longer haha.)

Once we arrived at the airport we collected our luggage and hopped onto the Bus (we purchased a freedom family pass for the week the allowed us to travel around surfers via bus and also return trip to airport/hotel/themeparks.)

Tyson was so excited about being on a plane and then going on a Bus! All these little things that we don’t really appreciate children just seem to LOVE and truly love the experience of it…

Elizabeth was doing so well, considering we were up so early she was pretty good on the plane on the way and also good on the bus, we got to the hotel and unpacked and settled in, It was nice just to be there, I was so happy to be on our family holiday! Something that we both wanted to do for a while now..

That night we went to Hogs Breath for dinner with some of my friends that I met on a online fourm, It was so lovely meeting up with such amazing ladies and getting to know them (in real life!) I appreciated them travelling to us to have dinner And considering tyson had not slept since 5am that day he was coping really well! We then got back to the hotel and put the kids to bed… We were so exhausted that we ended up in bed not long after them…

The kid decided that 6am was a good time to wake up! So we were up early ready to go, We had pancakes for breakfast then made our way to catch the Bus to dream world, Sadly we missed the bus for dreamworld as we were at the wrong pick up point, After what seemed like hours of walking around we decided to goto Pacific Fair, Which I am so glad we did! We did some shopping, had lunch and took tyson on a very awesome train ride (he was so excited!)

(the train ride around pacific fair.)

(Waiting with dad for the train!)

After pacific fair we headed back to our hotel and we decided to get out at cavill ave and head to the main beach, I took tyson down first (as the pram was horrible going over sand!) and we had fun near the water He was pretty unsure about it all but we had fun, I love this photo that drew took, I was so happy in that moment! I honestly have to say I never thought I was ever going to get healthier, that I would keep going around in circles, but after our week away I was really able to see how much I had changed and how much more involved I am rather then sitting on the sidelines and missing out…

Elizabeth was very tired, but not only that she HATED the sand and the water, It really freaked her out (as you can see she is pretty upset!) but she had to experience it! Maybe when she is older she will love it

We got back to our hotel and put the kids to bed!

The Next day we headed to dream world! Elizabeth slept for the start of it which was great! So we walked around a bit and checked a few different things out, we took tyson through the wildlife sanctuary and he got to see some snakes and dingos which he found very interesting..We then headed to the main attraction of the day and that was wiggles world, Tyson was SO excited The first ride we went on was the Big Red Car Ride, He just adored it we went on it about 4 times! There was also a tea cup ride that had dorothy the dinosaur on the top of it we went on that multiple times also!

I think dream world was such a great choice, it really cateres for the whole family, it has something for adults/teens and also for little ones, Its great! They also had a shrek themed area that had a little merry go round and also a dragon ride that he loved…

Tyson also had his face painted by the fairy, For $10 she did an amazing job! I was impressed

Tyson was also!!!

Drew and I took it in turn going on some of the bigger rides, we both went on the log ride twice, and drew went on the tower of terror and I went on the big drop! I was pretty proud of myself that I went on it, I have such a huge fear of heights and anything thats risky, I never step out of my comfort zone and I new this was something that I had to do, The first time I went to go I chickened out as there was a really big guy sitting next to me which prevented me from getting my arms around and feeling safe! So i demanded to be let out!!! The second time there was a line so I had to wait, I remember just telling myself that I had to do it! That it will be ok! And well what do ya know! It was ok! It was amazing and I actually felt so so good for doing it.. To be IN life to be Doing more and to not be sitting on the side and holding myself back.. It was really really amazing to feel that!

(this was the first time!)

(I DID IT!)

once we returned back from our BIG day we went out for dinner, we had an AMAZING dinner at one of the irish pubs it was fantastic! It was a bit pricy but me and drew both agreed it was the best money we spent!

(drawing and waiting for our YUMMY food!)

The next day we found ourselfs needing a rest, we spent the morning home and chilled out and just headed into the centre of surfers for lunch, but we did not do that much, I got to go through infinity which was really fun! I forgot how dark it was so I honestly got a bit scared also!

On the way home I took tyson for a game of mini golf, he LOVED it…. We also got a beautiful photo together
That night we went out for dinner to a bistro down from our accomdation, It was really good and really great value, after that we then decided we would go on the BIG ferris wheel that operates at night! I am so glad we did it was really fun! but I was pretty scared! I think I freaked out more on that then i did on the big drop! Tyson loved it HEAPS ANd that was the end to our thursday!

On The friday we just chilled out together as a family, we went to another shopping centre (which I do not remember the name of! But I bought a nice dress which was fun! and we enjoyed a coffee together.) I took tyson to the beach for a bit and we got attacked by the waves unexpectedly! tyson was NOT impressed!!! But we had a fun day and it was nice just to rest as a family.

Drew and I enjoyed the time away with our children, and appreciated the time to spend together without any other disctractions.

On the saturday we went out for Breakfast with some friends that we met online a few years back, it was lovely to meet them and there beautiful kids, We had an amazing breakfast at the coffee club (seriously ballarat needs one ASAP!) it was AMAZING!

After breakfast we were heading back to our hotel and getting ready to check out and wait for our bus to return home, I found the last day an emotional one, honestly I wanted to stay another week! (or forever ) it was an end to what had been a GREAT week and I new once we get back home life will jsut get busy again its just how it is.. To get away as a family was such a blessing one that we were both so greatful to have…

The saturday was a LONG and painful day! We spent most of the time at the airport which seemed HOURS, elizabeth did not sleep and was overwhelmingly tired, she screamed the whole way home on the plane! It was hell!!!! So coming home was no fun! But once we landed and got our bags we were so relieved to be home! (the picture says it all!) We got home late and the kids were fast asleep! Tyson went straight to bed and lizzy had her bottle and followed! we were so exhausted but so happy we had an amazing week!

I expected the week to be super stressfull considering we were with little kids, but it was just the other way! It was nice, we had a few hard times with the grumpy part of it, but I guess that was expected! I loved being away with my family and just being a family

We have some amazing memories and I hope that we get to do it all over again one day soon

- I cant excersise it is too cold

- when i loose weight

- It is easier to buy takeaway then to prepare a healthy lunch

- eat all the junk food then its no more tempation

- i have a sore back therefore i cannot excersise

- i have a condition that prevents me from loosing weight

- there is nothing to eat ( when fruit is right there.)

I have said all of these things thousands of times, i always look back and wonder why the hell I ever said those things when they were all LIES, I spent years lying to myself..

there are no excuses…

Weightloss it seems to be a never ending thought/goal hope on my mind.. its something that I am working towards to daily.. Lately I have hit a few road blocks with my weightloss mainly being to do with my back.

I have had ongoing pain for a few months now with my lower back and well cut this long story short i have scolosis in my back and arthritis in my lower back! I think there was once a time where I would have used that as an excuse to not do anything about it.. and while emotionally I have struggled dealing with it I have tried telling myself to keep pushing forward…

I want to win this battle of weightloss and I want to look amazing when I get to my goal weight… I CAN DO THIS!

WE GOTO QUEENSLAND FOR THE WEEK! YAY!

We are SO SO SO excited about this long waited trip!

We are going to be staying at the Golden Gate Resort which will be so nice We are going to goto Dreamworld as that has wiggles world which tyson will LOVE but we plan to spend most of the week relaxing as a family and enjoying some well deserved time together I cannot wait!

Its funny how going away (even with kids and everything that goes with them!) is still really relaxing, the idea of just getting away and escaping the things at home is just truly a treat… The last time I went to QLD was when I was still extremely overweight.. Im looking forward to going and not being massive and to just enjoy myself and go on all the crazy rides as well! (seriously if you know me you will know i dont do scary rides!) SO I am going to take on the challenge of going on a scary ride, I want to go on the Big Drop, But I guess we shall see how I go hey!!!

All i can say is! Wish me luck

I am so excited! lets just see this week fly by

Isaiah 53: 1- 10 (From the Message.)

” Who believes what we’ve heard and seen?

Who would have thought, God’s saving power would look like this?

The servant grew up before God, a scrawny seedling, a scrubby plant in a parched field.

There was nothing attractive about him,

Nothing to cause us to take a second look.

He was looked down on and passed over,

a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.

One look at him and people turned away.

We looked down on him, thought he was scum.

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried-

our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.

We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures.

But it was our sins that did that to him,

that ripped and tore and crushed him- our sins!

He took the punishment, and that made us whole.

Through his bruises we get healed.

We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.

We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.

And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong, on him, on him.

He was beaten, he was tortured,

but he didnt say a word.

Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered

and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in silence.

Justice miscarried, and he was led off-

and did anyone really know what was happening?

He died without a thought for his own welfare,

beaten bloody for the sins of my people.

They buried him with the wicked,

thew him in a grave with a rich man,

Even though he’d never hurt a soul

or said one word that wasn’t true.

Still, it’s what God had in mind all along,

to crush him with pain.

The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin

so the he’d see life come from it, life, life and more life.

And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him.”

I truly think this is such a powerful peice of scripture, Reading it today in tears and realizing how BIG the sacrifice was that Christ made for me. It was SO big.. At church on friday I was challenged by what were the things in my life stopping me from growing closer to Christ, and What am I willing to sacrifice to be able to grow… The first thing that I felt really challenge my was my anger and easy to frustration… I find lately tyson just seems to push the boundaries and it always results in me yelling at him, but on the inside I also feel angry and annoyed, and Its a horrible feeling to feel and I know that it isnt doing me any good at all, so right then in that moment at church that is what I gave up to God, but I have since then found myself facing it even more! It can take a long time to break old habbits, and this is one thing I want to change, I want to change my reactions, I want to be able to work through something with peace rather then stress and frustration. I know its never easy with children but I know that there is a better way…

Its easter… Jesus Died for us all, if your Christian or Not Christian, I just encourage you to think about who this amazing Man was and the amazing things he did for all of us.. this is why we have this season… aside from time with family and chocolate and all that other stuff.. its a time to remember Jesus, to celebrate his life and to celebrate his sacrifice.

How He Loves Us- David Crowder Band

Weightloss is NOT easy… This picture (well the words moreso.) really rang to me, Weightloss used to be an interest to me, I new that I needed to but I never did anything about it, and I only did it when i REALLY felt like it.. (which was rare..)

The change?

Knowing that id I didnt get off my ass soon and do something that I was going to end up fat, sick and miserable and one poor role model to my children. I new that if I didnt truly commit now that I never would…

Its been an ongoing battle of force, sweat, tears, (chocolate), motivation from family and friends that has gotten me through…

On tuesday I walked around the lake for the first time in almost 3 years (6km whole way round.) and it was because i was motivated to do it, and I did it… and today I walked it again on my own… I feel amazing for doing it…

What motivates me to keep going with my weightloss?

I feel fantastic, I am happier, healthier, stronger, i feel confident within myself, I finally see myself better, I love more things about me, where as I used to hate EVERYTHING about me.. Self worth was zero and now its high I can now run after the kids, I am actually inolved rather then sitting on the sidelines.. and thats what motivates me always, that I am on a road to being a better person for me and my children and husband…

It wasnt untill i lost weight did i realize how much being overweight had held me back, how depressed and down i was, how I didnt care, it was like I had given up…

So friends, if your currently trying to get the weight off, eat healthier and your close to giving up or your just not motivated STOP what your doing and go for a walk or write down or look through old photos of yourself and spend time reflecting on who you used to be and how you feel now, think about the goals you have set, do you need to re set new ones? Remember any goal is a good goal, its not about setting a goal of being super buff in a week, its about being HEALTHIER… dont set a goal of a 5kg loss in a week, set a goal of cutting out a food, or just walking a bit more.. those goals are reachable and if you loose 5kg then thats just an extra bonus…

Ive learnt (and its taken me ages.) to not worry about the stupid number on the scales.. it really means NOTHING, if your eating, excerising correctly then eventually everything will fall into place, if your feeling fantastic on the inside and the outside then that is whats important…

and if you are feeling low and like you need some more motviation, tell your story to someone, you never now how inspirational you will be to someone, I know that may sound stuck up, But for the first time EVER today I actually openly spoke about my weightloss to someone (a stranger.) apart from online, it was one of the waitresses at a cafe i used to eat alot at, she told me how she hadnt seen me ages and I jokingly said well now there is only half of me, i then went on and told her how ive lost 43kg, she was really happy for me and she went out the back and told everyone else haha! but I wasnt doing it to brag or show off, but telling her felt somewhat empowering, it reminded me that I have worked so bloody hard and that I am allowed to be proud, I am allowed to stand up and scream it to the world if I wanted…

So stop struggling, stop being unmotivated, think of the bigger picture and run for it… DO NOT give up, because if you give up wont all your hard work that you have already started be a waste?

Don’t waste it, Don’t waste your life

I do love this picture that a friend posted on facebook tonight It got me thinking about the role that I have as a wife and the role that I have as a mother and How often they seem to merge into one, but really are SO completely different from another…

I find myself getting lost in dishes,washing, mopping, sweaping, vaccume that when Tyson comes to ask me to play I say “Not right now, I am busy…” The other day he told me to “stop cleaning mummy!”

I think I sometimes get so worried about getting the house right that I forget that in the BIG picture that does not matter, DO i really want my children to remember there childhood of me being the one running around the house cleaning? too “busy” to play?

If I have one thing I hope to accomplish and be better at this year is the balance of spending DECENT quality time with my children and not letting things get in the way….

As a wife I love being able to cook, clean and provide for my family, I take this role seriously at first it took me a while to full embrace this stay at home mum business stuff and being the house wife, but now its something I LOVE and something I don’t want to stop doing, I love that I am able to provide for my family…

But its all about balance, about ensuring that I meet the needs of the kids before I meet the needs of the washing yelling at me to be cleaned or the floors that need sweeping…

These things can wait.. because one day my babies will no longer be babies…Tyson will be 3 this year! Where has that time gone? I am so sad at the thought of my little man not being my little man soon, one day he is going to be grown up…

elizabeth is one next month! so fast!

I love being a mum, SO MUCH! but Oh how it breaks your heart also!

so please… forget about the house work, hug your babies, hug your partner watch a good movie and worry about the rest tomorow

Lately I have found myself really lost, We have not been at church because we have either been sick, busy or sick!

This weekend drew was sick so I decided that I would try and go with both Kids, No sooner had we got in and sat down tyson FLIPPED out (and I mean crying and just demanding to go home.) so I had to go.. I was so upset and angry…

I keep trying to remind myself that this is a season, that tyson being this age and elizabeth being her age is only a short time, and eventually it will get easier and we will get to church again..But i just want that time to be now…

As said earlier we have had a week of sickness, Drew started to get sick but got better and then I got really sick and now tyson and drew are sick with colds… It seems to be the time of year for it..

I hope it means that we are all healthy and ready for QLD which is coming up in 2 weeks.. I cannot wait to go away for a holiday, It is going to be a lovely week away with the family I hope that we can find a time to recharge and rewind, we may not it may be SUPER crazy stressfull! but deep down I know it will be fun

Have a Good Easter Everyone